The Rain

As I'm driving towards a woman's place to give her some money (with no strings attached), it is raining. As I drive closer and closer to this woman's place, the rain becomes more and more intense in force with each passing mile. The rain almost seems like it is telling me to venture no further with my mission to only give this woman money. But, I try to live on my word to do something that I say I would do. I promised this woman that I would give her the money that she needed for her dilemma. What can I say, I am who I am. And, I can be no more than who I am.

As I finally reach my destination, the woman greets me at her door. She is happy to see me. And, we hug each other. Without hesitation, I give the woman the money that she needed. I began to feel numb as the money left from my hand, because it was I that made the offer to give the woman the money. So, if I had to be made at anyone for this money matter between us, it should be no one else but myself. Hence, the feeling of numbness to my body. I give the woman another hug. I tell her to call me when her computer is ready for pickup so I can pay for that cost. And, I leave the woman's apartment. You may ask yourself why a guy would do such a thing for a woman that he is not even dating. That is a good question. The rain explains me best. The rain was reminding me that nothing but stormy weather were coming ahead if I continue to pursue a romantic life with this woman. Yet, I kept on driving into that rain storm.

As I am returning home, the rain is still causing my vehicle to sometimes slide on the roadway to the point where I almost hydroplaned and possibly wrecked my vehicle. And, for what? To only drive to another city to give a woman some money on a bad rainy night. My instincts was telling to venture not into that rain. My instincts told me on more than once to not give the money to the woman. But, I did it anyway. Even with all the rain and slides and fears of being in a wreck, I did it anyway. So, I really can't be mad at the woman for this situation. I can only blame myself.

Guilt has a way for eating at you with each passing day. I went out of my way to find this woman. I went out of my way to enter myself back into her life. And, I allowed myself to want to financially aide this woman with her problems. When I fulfill my last financial obligation to this woman, my guilt of my past experiences with this woman should soon fade. And, like the rain, my feelings for this woman would wash away to nothing more than a friendship with this woman. Sometimes, one must do extreme things in order to move on with one's relationship life. If giving away almost all of my money to this woman in order to remove any past romantic feelings for this woman. Then, let it be so. I just needed the rain to remind me that no woman is worth loosing you life over, or my hard earned financial stability.