Self-Doubt

Self-doubt (noun): A feeling of having no confidence in your abilities and decisions.

I am one the best at placing "self-doubt" on myself. I seem to get pissed off when "doubt" is placed upon me and become motivated to prove that particular person wrong in ever doubting me. Funny how I am harder on myself than the people that I may have disappointed when I mess up or come up short on a task or competition. I know people make mistakes. I know there are "no perfect people, only perfect intentions". But, that still does not stop me from experiencing self-doubt on a daily basis.

The higher I rose through the ranks of my employment, the more I begin to feel like I am painting myself into a corner to the point that all of my self-doubting will finally come to a head. What do I mean be "come to a head?. I afraid to ask myself that question. But, deep down inside right now, I believe I am good at the tasks that I am expected to do. I feel like I was promoted to these extra burdens at work for a good reason. And, I should be thankful for the things I have been able to accomplish so far at work. I know that there will be days at work, that I will piss my subordinates off after placing a task on them to complete. There will be days that people will think what they want to think about you, regardless after speaking your mindset about something to them. There will be days that I will feel used by someone that tries to make it appear that they are "not" using me for their own self motives. And, I know that there are days that the people that I work with will drive me up the wall after asking me to do something that is too short of notice or almost impossible to accomplish. I have to remember that I am only human. Sh*t happens that one can control, sh*t happens that one cannot control.

Even though I know all of these things, I have times when the self-doubt gets the best of me and I manage to talk my way out of doubting myself with the help of my friends. I am just worry about the day when self-doubt is "all" I ever think about at work. Where does one goes from there when that happens? It will most likely be a sign to change my career choice before the self-doubting becomes too unhealthy for me...

When one is about to loose their composure, one must step back before doing something that they may regret later in life...

I am above no man when it comes to sometimes loosing my composure. I think, when one runs into a lot of stress, one can sometimes end up loosing their composure. One must be able to step back, before doing something that they may later regret in life. Take it from a person that experienced such things, when you are about to loose your composure, go home, chill out, and sleep on it to make sure you still thinking clearly about what you are going to do next. If you still have the same feelings that you had the day before, then make sure what you are thinking with a straight head or you going on pure emotion.

Sorting out the two will make the difference in making a smart move and a dumb ass move in your life. I say this cause some things you may do in life you just can't take back. And, some things you do in life can cause most of all of your life to make right. So, if I have not said anything of worth with this blog, remember this one thing: Before loosing you composure and doing something that you may regret later, step back and calm down first. What ever may have caused you to loose your composure is usually not as bad as it may seemed, after a good night of rest. And, what ever caused you to loose your composure usually can be resolved with communication with the party or parties that set you off or doing some activity that can chill you out in order to make you think more clearly about things.

Don't forget to also talk out your stress with people that you trust. Most of my good friends have a way of making me chill out and think more clearly after loosing my composure. Finally, be able to breathe out your stress cause too much blood rushing to the brain is never a healthy thing to be experiencing while loosing your composure. I hope this blog helps. IT did for me...

The rewards , responsibilities, and challenges entailed with career ascencion...

Currently, I have risen as high in my career life than I have ever gone before. Yet, I am also scared of failing those of my peers that have placed so much expectations on me to validate being given this great opportunity. It has only been two weeks. But, I feel like I am not moving at the working pace that I desire. I feel like I can be doing much better than I currently am. And, I feel like I cannot keep using the "new guy" or "rookie" excuse in my mind for not being on my game anymore.

I know this newest career ascension in my life comes with rewards, responsibilities, and new challenges. I need to take full advantage of the experiences and growth that I am gaining each day in my new position. I love what I do for a career. I know that I am capable of handling the job duties of my new position. I just need to believe in myself and validate the expectations that have been placed on me. I just need to remember my own pep speech, "Let the work keep speaking for itself." So, the game plan should never change: Move into new position, catch up to speed with cases, and continue implementing the course of the case preparations until it is to standards. I know that I am not afraid of working long hours or driving long distances to complete my goals. This new career position should not ever change my game plan. There are still subordinates to supervisor, still cases to investigate and route, still side projects to complete, and (in between all of that) take time to breathe.

So, the self doubting of myself ends when my eyes open in the morning. The "Lone Wolf" mentality must show itself again and start handing its business. And, I loose this promotion due to failing to meet the expectations of my new attorney. I learn from those shortcomings, improve upon them wherever, and use my new on-the-job experience wherever I may be assigned at my job with no hard feelings. It is not that I have fallen down during a challenge, it's what I'll do after I stand back up. Regardless where this new career will take me in life, I know I will be okay. I will always have the positive expectations and respect of my peers to do what I only know to do, which is consistent good job in my assigned tasks. Now, my pep talk to myself is over. Handle it!!!... ;)